goodbye, november.

December 2009 is only a few hours away, and I am beginning to become amazed at how fast this semester has flown by! It seems like just last week that I was moving into my apartment and starting school, wearing shorts and short-sleeved shirts. Oh how I miss you, summer. Although it's not too chilly outside (I can walk outside with an unbuttoned coat and be just fine) and it hasn't snowed yet, but I still love the summer much more than the winter, and I'm already looking forward to next summer. I love the warm.
Finals are in two weeks, and I can't even believe it. I'm taking Math 1050, English 2010, Philosophy 2050, and Photography 1050. Oh, and we can't forget Institute! Thankfully, I don't have a final exam for my English class, and the other three finals are on three different days. That way I don't need to be stressed out about rushing to my next final. I am looking forward to this.
Thanksgiving break was awesome. I loved the time I got to spend with my family, and I loved stuffing my face with Thanksgiving dinner. Rachel and Dylan were telling us about how, at Dylan's aunt's house earlier that day, they had to go around the table and tell everyone what they were thankful for. I said, "That's a great idea! Daniel, we'll start with you." Daniel went on telling what he was thankful for. The reasoning behind my insisting that everyone say what they were thankful for was only to get Daniel to do it. I didn't expect everyone else to go along with it, but, surely enough, they did. If you know my family, you'll know that we don't do things like that. Ever. We are not the type of family who hugs each other and looks for the best in each other. We are rarely bottom-of-the-heart nice to each other. Instead, we got blessed with the sarcastic genes. Sarcasm times a million. Really. So for my family to be serious about something like saying what we're thankful for rarely turns out as something serious. We make it cheesy and awkward and hilarious. I'll let your mind do the wandering of what we said we were thankful for... I will add that Sara's was the best one.

I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE HOLIDAYS. Here, I'll show you how excited I am. I will extrapolate to you in list-form.

• Festival of Trees (I'm hoping I can find time to go).
• Going to Temple Square (Seeing the lights is one of my oldest memories of the Chirstmas season).
• The Forgotten Carols (That play makes me cry everytime).
• First day of snow (Even though I hate the cold, I do love the snow. Just not the ice in the roads).
• Going to Las Vegas with my whole family (We do this every year. Even my sister from California goes with us).
• CHRISTMAS (I just love that day).
• New Year's Eve (Doesn't everyone love this holiday?).

It seems like the things I have to look forward to keep me going. Then, when those things run out, I find more things to look forward to. It's one big round. That's life, and I love it.

time.

My life as a college student is not as busy as I thought it would be. I'm taking 13 credits, and working on average about 14 hours a week. Minus about 7 hours of sleep each night, that leaves me with about 82 extra hours in the week to study, eat, clean, go to the store, and do stupid things that waste my time.
Here is a list of things I do when I'm bored that I'd like to think are productive, but really aren't productive at all. They just get you even more bored, which I hate.

• Facebook. My number one url I type into the search engine, and the biggest waste of my time.
• Reading blogs. Namely, my sister's blog. It's way too funny to give up entirely, but when I visit her blog, I find myself reading all her posts over and over again. You'll know what I mean when you read them.
• Watching The Office. I'm really not a TV-watching person. I rarely turn on the TV and start watching. This action usually only happens when someone else is watching TV, and I'm interested in what they're watching. My roommate is a big fan of The Office, and has a few seasons on DVD. This is probably not a good thing, but I love it.
• Checking the fridge. It's become a habit of mine to check to see what kind of food is in the fridge whenever I'm bored, although I rarely eat anything when I do. I'm not realizing how weird that really is.
• Pacing. If you find me walking aimlessly and redundantly around my apartment, you can know for certain that I am bored.
• Texting my friends. They probably get so annoyed that I text them with nothing to talk about. I should be considerate and stop.

As ashamed I am at this list, I am also proud to admit that I do things that are somewhat productive with my time, too. They are as follows.

• Writing in my journal. My only motivation for this is knowing that hopefully when I'm dead (or at least older), my kids will read it and get a feel for who I really am.
• Reading my scriptures/saying my prayers. I was raised and taught to do this every night, and so I try my hardest to do it every night. Out of everything I do in a day, I think this is the most beneficial.
• Homework. Believe it or not, I do do my homework! And as a result, I just got a 93% on my math test, which made my day. Homework, although boring and frustrating, is important to me.
• Spending time with friends. I've got to develop good, lasting relationships, right?!

Okay, so I need a longer list...

i stole this from brynn.

Where I am: In my apartment, in my bedroom, at my desk. It seems to be my favorite place lately. I don't mind! Sometimes I need some alone time where I can think to myself.

Where I am going after this: To the bathroom to get ready for bed! It;s past midnight, and I am tired from the Love You Long Time show I just came home from!

Currently reading: I'm always reading the scriptures! I really wanted to finish Press Forward With Faith (I think that's what it's called...) but I was just way too busy. I kind of gave up on it a few months ago, but I plan to start it up again when I have time.

Currently watching: Nothing! But my roommates are watching The Office in the front room. Love that show!

What I did yesterday: I was a horrible student and skipped my Photography class. Instead, I wrote a paper for my English class, and went out to lunch with my friends. My dad stopped by, too!

What I am doing tonight: I already did what I was going to do tonight! I went to Love You Long Time's 3rd to last show EVER! It was delightful, but now I'm sad.

What I am doing tomorrow: I am going to Math, hopefully getting my test score back, and going to a devotional. I'm planning on spending some [more] alone time with myself, and writing some letters to some lovely missionaries! I never realized how much I like to be alone sometimes until I moved out.

The background on my phone is: A picture of a tree I took at the park. Pretty artsy. What can I say? I'm a Photography major.

The background on my laptop is: a super cute picture of my two little sisters, Rachel and Sara. I love them!

Who I miss: My dear family! I can't wait until Thanksgiving break when I can spend three days with them!

How I feel right now: Tired, above anything else. Kind of bummed, but getting over it.

What I am thinking about: How someone could come up with something as funny as The Office. Really. Who thinks of those things?! I'm also thinking about what I'm going to do tomorrow. I've been wanting to do it for a couple of days now. Shhh! It's a secret!

two months later...

I feel like I need a huge banner that says, "WELCOME BACK." I haven't posted for about 2 months, and that just boggles my mind. Where has the time gone? I'll tell you where the time has gone! One, I started working over full-time at work, and two, I moved out with my friends. Those are my excuses; deal with them.
Really though, I can't believe I've let so much time pass by without recording it somewhere! So, in a fast manner, I'm going to list everything that has happened to me in the past month or two. Ready?

• I'm writing (or at least trying to write) more missionaries than I can count on two hands.
• I haven't written back my missionaries for about a month now. Maybe even longer than that.
• My niece is getting old!
• My nephew was born on September 2nd. (I'll post about him later)
• I moved out!
• I made friends with a lot of people after I moved out, but mostly my across-the-porch neighbors.
• I started school. Thirteen credits!
• I am considering just majoring in Photography, and not having a double major in Photography and Math.
• My brother comes home on October 15th, and that's where all my excitement has gone.
• I quit Rise and am now looking for a new job.
• I was an EFY counselor this last summer and made a lot of new friends. I am looking forward to going back next year.
• I went on a few dates in the summer.
• I went to the hot pots on Midway with my college buddies and got more than enough misquito bites.I joined a lot of clubs at school, such as the Hip Hop Club, the Disney Club, the Special Olympics Club, the Ultimate Frizbee Club, and the Music Appreciation Club. I also joined the Institute Service Counsel.

I've lived here in my apartment for 3 week now, and I love it. The people here are amazing, and I'm excited to meet even more. Stay tuned for more college experiences.

summer 2009.

1/24/10
I found this today while I was going through all my drafts of posts I never posted (this is the only one, ha). I think the reason I never posted it was because the pictures weren't lining up well, and the video never uploaded. So, here I am, posting it without fixing the lining of the pictures. I'm still not sure whether or not the video will work. This is from the end of summer 2009, or somewhere around there...

I've come to the conclusion that I am absolutely horrible at posting consistent posts lately. I've got a lot to mention, so I'm going to take the road Celeste often takes and post pictures with descriptions. Here's what I've been up to!

6/29-7/3 & 7/13-7/17

I went to EFY! But, as a counselor and not as a participant. I did 2 weeks, and it was my first time being a counselor, and it was amazing. My companies got along really well, which was awesome! I made a lot of new friends, and I plan on being an EFY counselor next summer!

7/20

Emily and I decided to go to the lake and eat some Ben & Jerry's ice cream there. While enjoying the view of the lake from the bridge, Emily decided to call Jeremy and ask him to go boating with her and her family. He later texted her and said he could go.

7/24

We started the day off by going to the 24th of July parade with a couple of my EFY counselor friends. Later that night, my family had a BBQ.

7/29

JP, a fellow EFY counselor, celebrated her 21st birthday and invited us to have a Mexican Fiesta with her. We ate at Beto's, broke a pinata, and watched Nacho Libre.

brooke marie.

Last night at 8:29pm, I became an aunt to a beautiful baby girl named Brooke Marie. She was 7 pounds, 6 ounces, and 19 1/2 inches long. We visited her in the hospital, where both her and her mom, my sister-in-law, are doing fine.

I am now officially an aunt, and she's my niece. I also have a nephew on the way, due at the end of August.

It was fun to watch my brother, Jake, with his brand new baby daughter. He's not one to show his emotions that often, and it was the cutest thing to see how much he loved his daughter, and how soft and gentle he was with her. I saw him staring at her while he was holding her, and I think it set in for him. It was adorable.

the mormon miracle pageant.

Last night my family and I packed up the car and headed down south to good ol' Manti, Utah--probably one of the smallest towns that I know of. In Manti, there's an LDS temple, and on the temple grounds in the summer, the church puts on a play about the first LDS prophet, Joseph Smith, and about the book he translated with the help of God, called the Book of Mormon. This play is known as The Mormon Miracle Pageant.

Our friend, Kelsie, came along, too. It was Mom, Dad, Rachel, Kelsie, Sara, and me, stuffed into our car. Yes, stuffed. We got there about an hour before the play started. We had reservations at this local motel/campground (a little motel is on one side of the property, and a strip of grass for tents is on the other side, and there's a small street in the middle) and us girls planned on staying in a tent, even though my dad had reserved 2 motel rooms. We wanted to rough it out! So they all set up the tent as I took pictures, and soon enough, we had a place to come back to to sleep that night. We also played a little bit on the [old] swing set that was there when we were little. Very little.

Before the play started, a couple of missionaries passed us, and Sara yelled, "MISSIONARIES! My brother's in a mission!" One of the missionaries yelled back, "Hey! So am I!" Later, they came up to us and asked if we had any non-member friends. Sara said yes, and gave the missionaries his number.

When we got to our seats at the play, it started to rain. Kelsie mooched my blanket from me. Since the play is performed on the side of the hill, and the grass was slippery from the rain, there were a few cast members who slipped and fell. I counted five. The four of us girls giggled to ourselves when we saw someone fall.

When they play ended, the four of us ran back to our tent. Sara and I, however, also clicked our heels the whole way back, because we're classy. We got ready for bed in the extra motel room, and set off to our tent! Rachel thought it would be funny to eat Fiber One bars, and an extra long burrito before going to bed. We all paid for that. If you know my family, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

In the tent, we had some good laughs. Here are the funniest things we said that I wrote down during our stay in Manti:

"How come whenever someone dies, Rachel's hair goes horribly, horribly wrong?" -Sara

"Did you really just put a booger in my hair?" "It was a dry one!" -Rachel and Sara

"I'm a child at heart... just not at butt." -Rachel

"Look! I'm Queen Latreesa!" "Yeah, because Queen Latreesa balances flashlights on her head." -Rachel and Megan

"Do you guys have Chick-Beef Sandwiches in yet? They have them up in Salt Lake." "Oh, I think we get those in on Sunday." "...There is no Chick-Beef Sandwiches... I made that up!" -Dad and the lady at the McDonald's drive-thru

"I wish your farts smelt like hamburger, and your farts smelt like cheese, and mine smelt like buns, so we could make it smell like a McDonald's sandwich!" -Rachel

When we woke up from sleeping in the tent, we all felt a little damp. It had rained that night, and it soaked in through the bottom of the tent, and got our sleeping bags wet. When we were all awake, I said, "Dude! I'm wet!" Kelsie responded with, "I know! So am I!" Then Rachel sat up from her sleeping bag and showed us her literally drenched shirt, and said, "You guys think you're wet!" It was, quite possibly, the funniest thing I have ever seen. The whole back side of her shirt was soaked with water, and it carried on to most of her front side. When we asked, "Rach, why didn't you go into the motel room?" she responded, "I was thinking about it, but then I totally just fell asleep." When we checked to see if Sara was wet, she found out that she was 100% dry, from head to toe. "Heavenly Father must love me," she said.

Before we left, we stopped and got ice cream on the corner of the motel/campground we stayed at. It's a tradition, and a great one at that, because their ice cream is excellent.

And that concludes my adventures in Manti, Utah.

journal vs. blog

Oh dear, it's been over a month since I've posted here. I created this blog thinking, I don't have enough time to write in my journal. I type faster than I write. I'll post on this blog so I don't have to write in my journal as much. It'll be great! but about a month ago I promised myself that I would try my hardest to write in my personal journal everyday, and I have (give or take a few late nights). I guess that all in all I like writing in my journal more than I like posting blog entries. I can be more open about, well, anything in my journal because I know I'm going to be the only one who reads it for a while. But when I post on my blog, anyone can read it; even people I don't know. There are just things I write in my journal that I would never dream of posting here because they are too personal.

I laugh at myself as I realize that I have just taken the time to justify why writing in my journal is better than blogging, because before I posted, I was in the middle of writing in my journal.

Good reasons why writing in my journal is better than blogging:

• If some mysterious virus enters all the computers in America and deleted everything from off of the Internet, I'll still have my journal.
• Writing in my journal improves my handwriting.
• I can be more open and talk freely about whatever is on my mind while writing in my journal.
• Reading is universal--everyone can do it. But my kids are going to be way too advanced to work "Blogger.com." It's like me trying to work a record player. I never have, and I probably will never know how to.

It's settled. Journal time wins. But, nonetheless, I will still post here, because I like it.

a mother and her children.

I have a friend. He has a blog. He likes to be sad sometimes. I feel like for every sad post he writes, I have to write a happy one, so they will cancel each other out, so that no one in the world will ever know about it. Maybe it works; maybe it doesn't. Either way, I feel like I'm happy enough with myself, my life, and the people around me to keep posting entries that will show my contentment. So, here I post.

On the way home from work today, I was driving down the highway. As I came to a stop at the stop light, I saw some people sitting down in the middle of the sky walk, enjoying the sight of the cars as they sped by on the highway. It wasn't until the light turned green, and I was in the middle of the intersection that I noticed that the people sitting on the sky walk were a mother and her two children, one probably around 4 years old, and one just an infant, in a stroller. As I looked up at them from my car, I could see the mother talking to her older son, probably teaching him something, I assumed.

As I passed them, I thought about what a wonderful mother this lady is, to take her two children somewhere special, where she can spend time with them and take a moment to teach them something new. I'll bet that four-year-old will remember that moment for the rest of his life.

This scene only made me want to do the same for my children. I want to take the time to teach them all the many wonderful things about life. I want to put them first, so they will be raised to the best of my ability. I want to do simple things for them, and spend a little time with them, so they will always know that they are loved. My friend, Celeste, has said to me, "I want to actually get down on my hands and knees and play with my children." The more I think about what she said, the more I decide that I want to do that, too. I want to make memories with my children that they will never forget.

Not only do I want to teach them about life, earth, school subjects, and the simple wonders of everything around them, I also want to teach them about the base of my happiness: the gospel, the church, and Heavenly Father and His love for us. I want to raise them to become strong Latter-Day Saints, and one day, missionaries. I want to watch their lives become blessed by the same thing that blessed mine.

It's funny how many thoughts and decisions come from just seeing people be. I hope, one day, that I can be that mother on the sky walk with my children.

laughs.

If you know me really well (or even just slightly), you know that I laugh. A lot. Maybe too much? But, nonetheless, I try to keep a positive look on life, and I've found that laughing at things really makes a huge difference. There have been times that I was so mad at someone for doing something, and all of the sudden, I'd just burst out in laughs, and so would the other person, making it almost impossible for me to stay mad at them.
It is true that I have given pity laughs at times that they were needed, and maybe I've chuckled a few times to break the silence. But when I truly laugh at things I find really amusing, you can definitely tell. It's kind of like a big boom.
My most unique laugh, though, is my silent laugh. My sisters and I share this, because it sort of originated from us, as far as we know. It's a laugh so ridiculous, it has to be silenced from all mankind!
It all started when we were riding with my parents in the car somewhere. Parents in front; girls in back. We started laughing really hard about something, and my dad told us to be quiet, because the sound of laughing irritates him. (We always used to joke that my dad hates happiness, and that we're all going to turn emo one day because we can't laugh around him.) So, to honor my dad's request, we just kind of unconsciously made up this silent laugh that we use around our dad. I've noticed that the times I laugh the hardest are (unfortunately) the times I'm in the car with my sisters and my parents. So, I seem to use my silent laugh when I laugh at the funniest things. And that, my friends, is how you can tell I'm really enjoying myself.
...It looks like my regular laughing face, but there's no sound coming out.

summer adventures.

Okay, so I really should be writing that paper that's due at 9:00 in the morning tomorrow, but I've just gotta get a few things off my mind first...

First of all, I just wanted to express how incredibly HAPPY I am that the warm and sunny weather is finally here! It's been hiding for quite a while, and now it's bright and cheerful--just the way I like it!

I also wanted to make a list of things I have been DYING to get out and do. In the past few months of my life, it seems that I've either been cooped up in my house with nothing to do, at school with plenty (maybe too much) to do, or at work for hours. Because of this, I haven't had time to do most of what I'd like to do. But, I'll be finished with my finals in two days, and this is worth celebrating! So, I've got the list. I just need to get out there and do it!

• Go to the temple and do baptisms, and just enjoy the beauty it brings outside.
• Drive to the lake in Daybreak, and enjoy the sights.
• Go to an Open Mic Night at Trevortex.
• Attend one of The Continentals' park shows.
• Take a day and dedicate it to driving around and taking pictures of magical things.
• Hike up to Ensign Peak and watch the sunset. (Maybe with a hot date, eh?)
• Go on a photo shoot with Kendall, and be his model.
• Watch a thunderstorm outside, wrapped up in a blanket, just like I used to do when I was little.
• Dance in the rain, and jump in the puddles.
• Hang out with friends on a sky walk.
• Go to a park and swing, and swing, and swing.
• Have a picnic.
• Build a "No Boys Allowed" fort, and watch movies in it with my girl friends.
• Jump on the trampoline at dusk.
• Walk around the Murray Park and enjoy the scenery. (It is my favorite park...)
• Walk around downtown Salt Lake City with a friend or two.
• Have a[nother] sleepover with Sarah and Erica, and discuss gospel topics.
• Hold a Mexican Fiesta cook-off at my house. (Side note: Bring sombreros.)
• Crash a stake dance with Emily and Erica.
• DATE.

This list turned out longer than I had planned... But it's okay! The summer is still young, and I've got adventure gleaming through my eyes! And, I'm off!

love.

As I sit here in my bedroom, I can hear the distinct voices of my high school aged sisters and their high school aged friends, giving each other what they think to be worthy advice from their inexperienced and naive lives.

Rachel, Sara, Katie and Kelsie sit in Sara's bedroom. Katie has just broken it off with her boyfriend, and she is almost in tears. "I love this guy to death! You guys don't even know!" she says. I wonder to myself, Does she really? She claims to have "gone out" with this boy for seven months. Does that define love? Is love based on a set time of dating? If you date someone for so long, is it considered love? Or is love defined by something more powerful?

At this point, Rachel offers to call Katie's boyfriend, Kaden, and ask him where he thinks he's getting at this whole "breaking up with Katie" thing. Kaden tries to calm Katie down by saying cute lines, trying to get her back. To win her back. Anything he can do. She hangs up. He calls again. "Katie, answer it. You need to talk to him," Rachel, Sara and Kelsie give her false hope in something that seems so impossible at this point. She answers. Serious conversations across the line go forth in silence. "I don't want to break because, babe, I love you so much," says Katie. "I don't feel like you can trust me." They talk more. More serious words. Too serious for high schoolers, I think to myself. Too serious for me even, if I were in a relationship. I never liked high school drama.

My oh my, this brings back so many memories. High school... My high school boyfriend... We didn't love each other, but back then, I could've sworn we did! But alas, it was not meant to be. Love was just a word back then. It didn't mean anything. I wasn't sure of it's meaning. I'm still not sure what it means, actually.

It doesn't seem like Katie's changing her mind. Poor Kaden. I wonder what he'll be doing in a month from now. Will he be dating another girl, simply because he needs someone to fill that empty space? Maybe he just wants a make out buddy. I've heard some guys are like that. Maybe he'll still be sulking, trying to win her back. What a great guy he would be if only he would. But I doubt it. It is high school. People are still trying to find themselves at this age.

And there it is. The sound of him giving up on her makes her voice drop a little. "There it is. He broke up with me." Where's the fight, Kaden?! I was rooting for you! I think I'm getting a little too into this whole conversation. Rachel calls to see what he's all about. "Dude, you've gotta cheer up a little. I don't do sad. I can do funny!" I laugh. They call me a creeper and close the door. Their voices are faint now. I can't make them out anymore.

Just then, Chuck gets online and greets me with "Hey beautiful." I smile, really big. I think I like this guy. Oh, what am I saying? Of course I like him. And now it's okay to say it, because he knows I do. I love that feeling. The feeling of knowing you like someone, and knowing they like you back, and being okay with saying it.

I don't love him though. That's one thing I've learned in the past. Love is a strong word. Too strong for where I'm at right now in life. I'm not sure exactly what it feels like yet. I don't know what it makes you say or do. I have no knowledge of it whatsoever. I'm really hesitant to say the word "love" because so much in my life, I've said that word when I didn't mean it. I don't want to do that again. I think I'm afraid of saying the word love for the wrong reasons, but I think I'm also afraid of not saying it when I do actually feel it. I'm afraid of not knowing what it feels like, and denying I ever felt it. Oh, what to do?

If you read my journal, you'd probably give it the title of "Megan's Quest to Find True Love." Really. It feels like, in the past year or so, that's been my whole life's purpose. I laugh at it. It's not like I mean to do it. It just happens. Maybe it'll pay off. But for now, I'm content being single. I know God has a plan for me, and I'm going to trust him as I do what he wants me to do.

I'm sure I'll be in love one day. I mean, this isn't an emo post where I complain about how dull and empty my life is. Oh, when will I find love?! --It's just not like that. I've got high hopes. One day I will love!

adventures with chuck.

The past few days have been the best I've had for a while now. Not that my life is horrible and flamboyant, but the time I spent with a guy named Chuck blew my regular daily activities out of the water. And it goes like this...

Friday, day one:

It all started when Chuck drove up from Las Vegas to stay with us. He got here in the early evening, and I helped him carry his stuff inside. Being the gentleman that he is, he gave me the heaviest bag he had. When he was all settled, he talked to my mom about Daniel (because Chuck and Daniel were in the same mission), while Dylan, Rachel and I made dinner. We ate, and headed over to Brynn's house for a night filled with Rock Band, cookies, and Chuck's poo juice, which needed a refill, so Dylan took care of that using Chuck's butt. When everyone was beat, we all went home and slept.

Saturday, day two:

Shopping with my parents! We went to Costco, and Smith's. Oh, and between the two, we stopped by Brynn's because Chuck left his coat there the night before. At Costco, we saw seafood! I gagged! Chuck made a look that described him as feeling hungry. I think we were made for each other. At Smith's, we picked out apples to peel for apple dumplings the next day. Chuck put a rotten one in my bag. I hit [on] him. When we arrived home, we decided to hike up to the water towers by my house. When we got there, Chuck decided that he wanted to climb up the water tower, and wanted me to, also. "What?! I can't do that!" After about 20 minutes of arguing about it, he finally talked me into it, and with the help of his upper body strength holding me up, I soon found myself on top of the water tower. We talked and took pictures. As we climbed down, he let me sit on his shoulders to help me get down. "Okay, Chuck, let me down." I said, after I was safely off the water tower. He didn't. Instead, he walked with me on his shoulders down a good part of the mountain, as I half yelled at him to let me down, half laughed my head off. Now that I think about it, I should have farted on him. Later that night, he went to Priesthood with my dad, my brother, Matt, and my grandpa while I tended my grandma. He fell asleep in Priesthood. Tisk tisk.

Sunday, day three:

Conference! We started the day off with watching the morning session of conference in the basement. After it was finished, Chuck and I headed downtown to watch the afternoon session in the Conference Center. We parked 6 blocks away, and we were late. They almost didn't let us in, but they saw the innocence shining in my eyes and I said in a soft voice, "I just want to see the prophet." They felt so bad, and let both of us in right away. Okay, so that was a lie. But we were late, and they did end up letting us in after a while. As we were walking back to the car, there was a man protesting against our church. He was yelling outside the conference center, holding a big sign. I can't remember exactly what he was yelling, but I remember he was a very large and angry man. As we walked past him, he started walking our way in an angry manner. I didn't see it, but Chuck said he (Chuck) gave him a "I'll beat you up if you touch her" look. I guess it worked, because he didn't touch me! When we got home, we were greeted by my brothers and their wives, and both sets of my grandparents. We ate apple dumplings and ate soup. Later, when everyone left, we played board games as a family.

Monday, day three:

Happy Birthday to me! This day was my birthday, and I turned 19! "Now you're only 3 years younger than me," said Chuck. "It's less creepy!" I had to go to school this day, so as I did, Chuck drove around and did his own thang. I got home before he did. Before he got home, he called me and said, "I'm almost home, but you've gotta do something for me. Go somewhere where you won't be able to see me when I walk in the door, and don't come up until I tell you to." I agreed, and wandered down into my room. When he was finished, he came downstairs, right in front of my bedroom door, and called me and told me to come out. As I walked out, he was hiding in the landry room, and he jumped out and scared me. After I got my cool back, we decided to go to temple square for my birthday. When we arrived, we got a tour of the Conference Center roof, which was beautiful, then headed over to the JSMB to watch the Joseph Smith movie. I thought I'd cry. Chuck thought I would, too. But I didn't. Before we headed home, Chuck wanted to see my driver's lisence. "No! I look like a stoner!" I said. After compromising a little bit, I let him see it, but he agreed to sing me a song on the piano. After that, we headed home and ate some wonderful stir fry. After dinner, we were all hanging out downstairs, and Chuck ran upstairs to get "a pen" and came back down with his surprise for me: roses and chocolates. My heart just melted, and I was so excited! I gave him a great big hug. After that, Chuck and I snuck up to the water towers one last time to look at the stars and talk and enjoy each others company. It was my favorite part. We had a good talk.

Tuesday, day five:

Chuck's last day. He left in the morning, the same time I left for school. But, before he left, he whipped out the lyrics he had written me the day before, and strode over to the piano and blasted me with his musical talent. I fell in love with the song. After that, we gave each other a long hug, and left. Sad day, but amazing week.

"realize."

I have a habit of, every now and then, pulling out my notebooks I like to randomly write in, and read them. Tonight was one of those nights.
As I was looking through one of them, I came across a poem that a friend had written, that I had written down. This friend happens to be a guy, who happened to have a crush on me a while ago. I'm not sure if he wrote this for me or not, but he did share it with me. At the end of the poem, I wrote something down, directed to myself, so watch for that. I don't want to say his name, but I do want to remember who wrote it, so we'll call him S.W.Smith.

9 April 2008
"I hold you in my arms; I look deep in your eyes.
The beauty you hold deep in your heart.
I wonder what kind of man I am to have a girl like you--
The most beautiful thing on earth, in my arms tonight.
You know me better than I know me.
I let you in my heart; I trust you with all I have.
Please don't break me.
When I hold you in my arms, I get lost in your beauty.
Not knowing how to handle what our future holds.
When love passes by, I wish like a shooting star that everything will be okay.
That we will be together forever.
Uncertainty has its hold on me. It slowly drags me down.
The fight is hard.
My love for you makes me champion.
Nothing can tear me down; my love for you is strong.
Nothing will break us apart.
I love you."

"Megan.
Don't you realize that this is exactly what you want your husband to say to you?
Don't you realize that this is who you want your husband to be? Realize."

why me?

As I look at the people around me, more specifically, the people I know who have chosen to go a separate way than what they have been taught, I can't help but wonder "Why them and not me?"
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm where I'm at right now, but I see these people I knew in the past; people who I would've never imagined would end up getting a girl pregnant, doing drugs, killing themselves, going against everything they were taught and everything they were raised to believe.
I can't help but to think "I've had my share of problems, just like anyone else, but why am I still a member of this church? Why has Heavenly Father let me overcome those trials I faced when I was an ignorant teenager, to be who I am today? What makes me different than all of those people?"
When I think about it, I come to one conclusion. That is, that Heavenly Father needs me to be strong to help build his church up in these last days. Every challenge he gave me, knowing I could, quite possibly, mess it up and go spiraling downward. But he's given me his trust, knowing I could handle everything he's put in my way, and I feel like I have.
I'm special. Heavenly Father has chosen me as one of his children to prepare the way for Christ's Second Coming. Not only has he chosen me, but he has chosen you, too. All of us were saved to come at this time. But not everyone chooses to make it. But I know what I chose.

With that being said, I'd like to thank Heavenly Father for the blessings he's given me that have helped me hold on to the rod, even if it was just by one finger. The blessings who have made me who I am today.

• My parents. They have raised me so well, in the way that Heavenly Father would've raised me if he was here on the earth. They have taught me a lot of lessons that I use everyday of my life, and that help me get closer to returning to my Heavenly Father.
• My church leaders. My bishop, and my two young womens leaders. They have opened my eyes to so many wonderful things, and have helped me set the goals in my life that I feel are important to accomplish. Not only that, they support me in those goals, too.
• My friends. Heavenly Father really couldn't have blessed me with more amazing friends if I wanted him to. When I say my friends are awesome, it's the complete truth. They have strengthened my testimony by sharing theirs, and it has made me want to share mine, too. I can always count on them to back me up if I'm in a tough situation.
• My relationship with my Heavenly Father. As of August last year, I have really been trying to come to know of him, and get to know him better, and have real conversations with him. I've come to find out that he is there, listening to everything I have to say. He also talks to me, too, telling me what I should do, and giving me guidance when I need it the most. He's a great friend.
• Prayer. Where would I be without it? It has blessed my life in ways I can't even explain. If I have a testimony of anything, it would be prayer.
• Scriptures. Who knew that people who lived thousands of years ago could know what to say to help me in my life right now? The olden day prophets are superb men, who really know what they're talking about. I love reading their words.
• My patriarchal blessing. What a wonderful gift. Just when I'm about to lose it, I can go and read it, and know why I'm going through the things I'm going through, and know what to do. I have learned a lot about myself through this letter from God, and it helps me everyday. I've memorized parts of it, and even when I don't have it on me, I can recite certain phrases of it, and know that I'll be okay.

a boy.

I like a boy. A different boy. Who actually isn't a boy at all. He's a man.

The other night, Celeste and I had a conversation where we both explained to each other what we thought a man was, and what we liked in men. We both agreed that men honor their Priesthood. Men put their loved ones before themselves. Men aren't afraid to chase the woman they're interested in. Men are themselves, and aren't ashamed of it. Men know what it takes to be worthy of holding the Priesthood, and act on it. Men provide care and blessings for their wives. Men fight for what they believe in. Men know they're not perfect, but strive to be the best they can be. My man will take me to the temple, because my man will know what's important in this life.

This brings me to a quote in a little book that Celeste bought at the DI. The author was a mother, and she was addressing concerns she had to her daughter. I thought it was truly profound.
"This brings us to the place where we should discuss the qualities of the boy you will marry --should you have that privilege -- and I pray that you may!
"He may be tall, dark and handsome; and perhaps he dances well; maybe he drives a new convertible. But if he cannot take you to the temple, he is not for you. He may even be rich and popular. But you will be giving up too much for too little if he cannot take you to the temple."

Oh! So this is what my mom was trying to tell me all those years! I get it now. She just wanted the best for me, and I realize that. And just like my mother raised me to believe this, I want to raise my daughters to believe the same thing.

Reading this made me think a little harder about my standards for the men I date. I think I have pretty good standards for this cause; maybe I have too many? One thing that comes to mind is that I wanted guys to have a distinct style of clothing. I'd say to myself, "If a guy doesn't wear the perfect jeans, v-neck shirts, vans eras, vests, cardigans and fohawk their hair, he isn't the one for me."
Can I just say that I am changing this prerequisite right now? Yes, I do want my husband to have a great style, but I've realized that what he wears isn't nearly as half as important as what he says, or does, or acts, or feels. Thinking about it, I'd much rather have a guy who would take me to the temple than a guy who dresses to my likeness. I just want to come out with this, and say that I've decided that the clothes guys wear doesn't matter all that much to me anymore. He just has to look good in what he wears, and work it.

So, this brings me back to the man I like. He's a convert to the church, and has been for almost 4 years now. He's a returned missionary. He holds the Priesthood, and honors it. When I talk to him, whether it be in person or on the phone, I feel like I can truly be myself, without feeling embarrassed, and that he will like me just the same. I can talk to him about goofy things, like how huge my brothers feet really are, and spiritual things, like both of our coming to know that the church is true. I can tell him what I really feel, and he listens. I can look like a total dork in front of him, trying to climb up a cave with my short legs, and know that he still thinks I'm cool, and that we can laugh about it later. He knows how to make me laugh. I know that I must mean a lot to him, because he drove 4 hours to spend some time with me. He can make something totally awkward into something to laugh about. I can really be myself around him. That's really what I want in a man. A man who likes me for me, and not someone else. A man who brings out the best in me, and makes it easier for me to be my best. That's why I like him.

temples.

This afternoon, I had the wonderful opportunity to go to the Draper temple open house, and walk through the gorgeous House of the Lord. Despite the fact that it was freezing, and it had started to snow a ton, the temple was a really good break from it all. It was so peaceful, and you could easily feel the spirit, or atleast I could.

I've seen pictures of the rooms inside the Draper temple, and I've always thought they were really pretty, but actually being inside, looking at everything with your own eyes is so much more different. The lighting was perfect, and the chandeliers sparkled and shone so bright. It was truly amazing.

I've always wanted to get married in the temple. It's always been my goal, and I've always been super excited for it; to be sealed for time and all eternity with the man I love. But today, walking through and seeing the brides' dressing room, and the sealing rooms, got me so much more excited about temple marriage. I can't wait to meet that one man who will be worthy to take me to the temple and who loves me so much to be sealed to me forever. I'm looking forward to that day.

As we walked through, my dad was quietly explaining to me what all the rooms were used for. I could tell he was really excited about it, and he wanted me to know everything! I also think he knows I'm growing up, and I could, quite possibly, be getting married in a few years. I think it scares him half to death, but I know he's okay with it, because he and my mom have taught me well. A few months ago, my dad complimented me on having the strongest testimony out of all his kids at my age. That really meant a lot to me.

I'm excited to go to the temple and get my endowments with my mom. I'm also excited to kneel across the altar and be sealed to the man I love. Today has given me a whole new perspective.

One of the five sealing rooms in the Draper temple.

north carolina is stealing my friends.

After I finished teaching my 4 and 5 year olds about the Priesthood in primary class, I headed down the hall to the laurel's class room, to meet up with my sister. When I arrived, the door was open, and all the laurels were standing by the door. I took a closer look, and noticed that the majority of them were crying. I stood there for a minute, looking at the sad faces of girls I know and love. I stepped over to Erica and Courtney, and asked them what was wrong. Erica explained to me that our Stake President, Brother Thomas, who was in our ward, got called to be the mission president in North Carolina, and that he and his family were moving there in June this year. As she explained it to me, I could feel the emotion melt off of my face. As hard as I tried, I couldn't say anything. I just stood there, my eyes wide and my mouth wide open. I couldn't believe it. This family who I had known and grown so close to was leaving in a few months, and they wouldn't be back for 3 years. I wanted to cry, but the tears didn't come.

Brother Thomas, my Stake President, is an amazing man. He's soft spoken, patient and kind. The Spirit follows him where ever he goes. On the rare occasion he spoke to us, as a ward, or as a youth group, I was always fascinated about what he had to say. He spoke complete truth, in a way that stood out to me. I remember going to his house one day with Rachel, and I saw a picture on the fridge that looked just like Napoleon Dynamite. After laughing my head off, his wife explained to me that that was Brother Thomas' mission picture. I laughed some more. I never really have gotten over that. Every time I see that picture, I bust out in laughter.
Sister Thomas is wonderful. She used to be the Beehive Advisor in my ward, but got released a few weeks ago. I always thought of her as a mom. She's fun loving, and outgoing, but also knows when to get on people's backs and tell them to be quiet. She is one of the few people who can pull off being mean to get you to behave. But we all know she loves us to death. Not to mention, her cooking is extraordinary! It was always an event to look forward to when she was cooking for a fireside or something. And her cookies! I remember when a few kids went boating last summer, and she made cookies for us to take. She gave them to me to hold onto, because she knew I loved them so much. I felt so special when she gave me those cookies.
Parley was the first guy I thought was cute when I first moved into this ward. I remember the first time I saw him, he was wearing a hat with ear flaps. I asked Andy what Parley's name was, and called out to Parley and said hi! He thought I was sooo weird, and probably still does. But we're friends. Now, my friend, and future roomie, Erica, is dating him. What a cute couple. They build each other up so much. Parley is almost ready to turn in his mission papers in a few months. What a great guy.
Bethany is hilarious. She's sarcastic, which I love. She always lets you know you are loved, even if it's just by teasing you. I feel like a midget standing next to her, because she's so tall! I just love that girl.

I'm going to miss that family, and I'm already looking forward to the day they get back. Everything happens for a reason, and I know this will be a great experience for them, as well as our ward back home. North Carolina better take care of my friends...

bad day? or testimony building opportunity?

So here's how my day went...

I went to school in the morning, the same as everyday. I had a midterm in my Music class, which I felt I did okay on. In Math, I had an extra credit test, and got 4 of the 5 points. I was also the first one to finish, and I felt pretty cool about that. My last class was Institute, which always seems to brighten up my whole day.

After school, I had court for the wreck I got into back in October. On the way to court, I got pulled over by a police officer for speeding (how ironic). He caught me going 15 miles over the speed limit, but only marked me for going 5 over. It was very nice of him, but I was still pissed, and I still gave him an attitude.

When I walked into my court session, I felt like I had logical reasons of why the wreck wasn't my fault, and, with the help of my dad's testimony, I felt like we both got our point across. Buut, the judge didn't buy it, so I ended up with the $112 ticket. Bummer. I paid it in full when I got out.

Today sucked. But, I'm not all that upset about it. I mean, yeah, I'm mad that a got a ticket and lost my court case all in the same day, but it could be much worse.

The amazing thing about this story, though, is that a while back, I got a bonus check from work for somewhere around $112, after the government sucked the taxes out. When I got it, I was like, "Sweet! I'm gonna buy myself a new ipod!" and I had my heart set on a new ipod. Well, I ended putting it off until now, for some strange reason. Today I realized that Heavenly Father blessed me with that bonus check so I could pay that ticket without having to break into the money I already had. Even though I wanted an ipod, Heavenly Father hooked me up and gave me that money so I could pay for the ticket. Some might call this a coincidence. Maybe fate sounds good? But not me. I believe, without a doubt, that it came from Heavenly Father. Like he was saying "Megan, you've been so great paying your tithing, I think I'm going to bless you with the money you need (not want) to pay for this ticket."

What an amazing man he is.

i am me.

Tonight I decided to read my journal I've kept since May of 2007. I came across an entry, and I really liked what I wrote. Not a lot of people know this about me, but when I was younger, I had absolutely no self confidence. I don't know what happened to it. I guess Heavenly Father hid it here on the earth, and wanted me to make an effort to find it.
But, as of right now, I feel like I've come a long way of knowing who I really am, and loving myself just the way I am. I think a big part of that has to do with my knowledge of the gospel. I don't know how it works, but the more I rely on the gospel, and the more I learn from it, I can see a great change in who I perceive myself to be, and I'm really quite pleased with myself.

So, I wanted to type down the last half of my journal entry I stumbled across. I think it will make somewhat of a difference to anyone who reads it. Or, at least, that's my hope.

5 June 2008
"So, I think I'm gaining self confidence, and I want to write down a few things that make me unique, that I think are cool!

• I love the sound of high heels on a hard floor.
• I don't wear it, because people would think I smell weird, but I love the smell of granny perfume.
• I play the drums!
• I have a very strong testimony of prayer, the gospel, the scriptures, Joseph Smith and my patriarchal blessing.
• I keep bottles of guys cologne just because I love the smell of it.
• I think rain is beautiful, and I love the smell of it.
• I love the smell of dirt.
• I love the color 'mustard yellow.'
• I love to smile, because it makes me happier.
• I actually, for once, know who I am.
• I think holding and honoring the Priesthood is one of the handsomest things a guy can do.
• I'm not into the 'surfer dude' look, or the 'skater boy' look. I'm into the 'returned missionary' look. I dig it!

So, yeah. That's what makes me, me! Also, I want to say that you should always be yourself. I think, personally, that one of the reasons Heavenly Father made you who you are is so that you spouse would fall in love with you. So never be someone you're not. Just be who you are, and be proud of it!"

Truly profound, coming from an eighteen year old, don't you think? Haha, oh yes.

white nails.

So I got braces two weeks ago. There's nothing exciting about that except the fact that I can't bite my nails anymore. Sooo... I figured I'd take this opportunity and grow them out. Haha, my nails are always so ugly; always so short. But now, they're growing, and I'm not biting them! This is a big deal for me!
So tonight, to celebrate the fact that I have nails, I decided to paint them. I chose white, because it matches just about everything. I haven't painted my nails in such a long time, and the down side of that is that I believe I've forgotten how to paint nails, it seems. So, my nails look like a 3-year-old painted them. Buuut, they're painted, and they're to a point where they can be painted, so I'm happy.

motherhood.

I've wanted to be a lot of things when I was younger. I think at one point, I wanted to be a fire truck when I grew up, haha. I guess by that, I meant I wanted to be a fire fighter. I've also, at some point in my life, wanted to be a Cosmetologist, a Psychologist, a Marine Biologist and a Sociologist. But now that I'm in college, I've come to the conclusion that I want to major in Photography. That sounds totally lame, being compared to what I thought about going into in the past, but photography is something that I love to do, and I have a desire to study it, and use it in my life. I love it!

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't want to be tied down to doing just one thing for the rest of my life - that being photography. Yes, I do enjoy it a lot, but I want variety. I want to try different things everyday. The more I think about it, I'd really like to be a chef, a nanny, a doctor, a teacher, a therapist, a maid (yes, i do enjoy cleaning occasionally. call me crazy.), a taxi driver, a seminary teacher, a coach.

I've come to the conclusion that there's only one profession that includes all of the above. That is, a mother. A mother can be a chef as she cooks delicious home-cooked meals for her family, a nanny as she takes care of her young kids and loves them, a doctor as she kisses her child's owie all better, and puts on a brightly colored band aid and gives them a lollipop, a teacher as she teaches her children what she has learned over the years, a therapist as she listens to her children when they're having a hard day, and cheers them up, a maid as she cleans up after her children when they're young and don't know better, a taxi driver as she drives her children to all their appointments and practices, a seminary teacher as she teaches her children about the gospel, and prepares them for the temple, and a coach as she sits on the side lines and cheers for them as they play their favorite sport.

This is what I want to do. This is what I want to be when I'm older: a mother to my children. I don't want to drop my kids off at a daycare center while I rush to work. I want to be home with my children, teaching them and learning from them, and making memories they'll remember when they're parents.

When Kody and I first started writing to each other, he asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told him that I was studying photography, and that I wanted to be a photographer. Then I added that I also wanted to be a mother, above everything else. In the next letter I got from him, he complimented me on my desire to be a mother. He said, "I want to commend you Megan... I think it is amazing that you want to be a mom when you get older. That is something I really look up to you for." I've thought about it a lot, and I've realized that, when I'm ready to get married, I want a husband who will support me in my responsibility to be a mother to my children. To teach them and to nurture them and to love them. I want my husband to be someone who will look up to me for the things that I do with my children, and the time I spend with them.

My mom did this exact thing. She stayed home with us everyday. Not only did she stay home with us, but she taught us, too. We were home schooled, and she was our teacher. I won't forget all the memories I've had sitting around the table, goofing off with my two sisters and my brother and my mom. I am so grateful to her for not sending us to public school, where sex and drugs occupy the hallways. I'm so grateful that she made an effort to stay home with us everyday and teach us what she would have us learn, and what she felt would benefit us later in our lives. Along with gaining a great knowledge, we also gained a great friendship with one another. Daniel, me, Rachel and Sara are best friends. We stick by each other, no matter what. It's all because of my mom. She's the greatest.

There are three mothers who I want to be just like when I have my own kids. They are all very loving, and willing to teach their kids, and nurture them. The three mothers I want to be like are my mom, Chrissy Johnson and Amber Brundage. They are my role models.

"Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels."

(James R. Clark - Massages to the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)

one of the questions of life.

Why is it that you can have a friend you rarely hang out with, and be fine with it, but when they leave on a mission, or somewhere else for a long period of time, you miss them terribly? I just don't get it.

Perhaps it's because, when they were home, you had the secure feeling that you could see them anytime you wanted, but now that they're away, you won't be able to see them until they come home.

I just don't know. But, to fuel my deprived feelings, here is a list of the people I miss.

1. Daniel.
2. Ryan.
3. Kody.
4. Parker.
5. Celeste.
6. Megan.
7. Tanner.
8. Emily
9. Jared

valentine's day.

Yesterday was Valentines Day, and even though I didn't have a charming man to spend it with, it still rocked my socks.

I started off the day by going to work from 10 to 3, after which I hurried over to Emily's house. We had some plans. We began our Valentines Day celebrations by baking some delicious sugar cookies. We didn't have time to frost them, because we were late. Late for what? Well, we had volunteered ourselves to serve Emily's little sister, Lindsay, and her group of friends when they came over for dinner, because they were going to the Sweethearts dance at their school. Say it with me: "Awww!" But Emily and I, being the goofy girls we are, put some spunk into it, and made it fun. We had the idea of dressing up like fancy waiters. You know, white button down shirts, black slacks. But wait! We didn't have such fancy apparel... So we ended up wearing black jeans and white v-neck shirts. Fancy? You betcha. But we didn't stop there. We hurried down to the bathroom, pulled out Emily's make up bag, grabbed the eye liner pencils and went to work. By the time we were finished, we had life-like mustaches displayed between our noses and mouths. Now this was fancy - to the max! We decided that Emily looked like a Mexican, so we called her Sanchez, and I looked more like a French man, so my name was Pierre. Our mustaches told all...

When Lindsay and her pals got there, we greeted them at the door, and sat them down at the table. We served them drinks, salads and the main dish: steak and potatoes. Yum. Emily and I snuck some food when no one was looking. Note to self: the fruit punch was a hit!
When everyone left, Emily and I hit up Ross, Smith's and Walmart. I got two pairs of spandies and a new comforter for my bed when I move out, and Emily got one pair of spandies, a pack of v-neck shirts and a blow dryer! Her's broke the day before... So sad.

When we got back from shopping, we got out the milk, powdered sugar, butter, cherry flavoring and sprinkles, and made some yummy frosting for our delicious cookies. I muse say, we are excellent bakers, and frosting makers.

That about sums up my sweet Valentine's Day adventures. Single Awareness Day my foot.

post.

I am completely gullable. If you play a trick on me, I'll fall for it. If you tell me a ridiculous lie about yourself, I'll believe that, too. If you tell me there's an agry fire-breathing dragon right behind me, I'll turn around to see it.

But, on the other hand, I question every fact I am given. If something seems off to me, I'll go look it up. If you tell me what you think, and I disagree, I'll ask myself why you think that way. If you tell me the church isn't true, I'll pull out my scriptures and bear to you my testimony.

I am a strange, strange human being.

scattered, like my mind.

Hello, dear blog. I post again.

It's been some week, and by that, I mean it's been a great week. I got a 95 on my first math test, which I was thrilled about. I also got 9 out of 10 points on my math quiz a few days ago, which is totally insane, because I thought for sure I was going to get somewhere around a 4 or a 5. Math is a good class that I really like so far this semester. I'm understanding it really well, and the fact that there's a cute guy who sits right next to me helps the fact, too. His name is Adam, and we've talked a few times. I really can't see myself getting really involved with him, but he's cute, and he's nice to look at. Hahaha.

Today was special. I got braces on my lower teeth. I hate them. But I hate crooked teeth even more, so I'll deal. Earlier today, I caught myself thinking I can't wait until I get my braces off. I haven't even had them on for 12 hours yet... Sigh. One more year to go...
While we're on the subject of teeth... My poor foster kid, Nate, is getting his wisdom teeth out tomorrow. I'm supposed to work with him on Monday for seven hours, but we'll see how that goes. I know, when I got my wisdom teeth out, I definitely wasn't up for hanging out four days after the surgery.

I've been talking to (texting) my old friend, Justin Fulton, lately. He's a cool guy; I like him. We actually dated for about a month back in 2006. Whoa, that was about two and a half years ago. I'm just now realizing this. Anyway, things just didn't work out between us. I was the one to break his heart, and my heart broke doing it. But all is well now. I'm happy when I talk to him. He's really nice, and it makes me want to be nice in return. Not just to him, but to everyone I come in contact with. I think that's one of his great qualities, and I don't even think he knows that he possesses it. He's an amazing guy, nonetheless.

I just received word, a few days ago, that Celeste is coming up to Salt Lake in a week and a half. We've got some plans. They include: a photo shoot, and going to our future apartments and looking at them. I'm pretty darn excited about this. I haven't seen that girl in ages, and she's just great to be around.

I've come to realize that I'm happiest when I'm serving others. Whether it be letting people know that I'm thinking about them, or doing actual works of service for someone who needs it. I've also come to realize that the Holy Ghost will prompt you to do the most random things, but they end up being something that has an everlasting effect on someone else. It amazes me. The gospel amazes me.
I've been thinking about this for a few days now, and I think it's beyond amazing just how deep the gospel really is. I mean, think of any subject; math, technology, words. They all eventually come to an end. There's only so much you can learn before there's nothing else to learn. But then you look at the gospel... It seems to go on forever and ever, and yet, we're just barely scratching the surface. There's a reason that if we put our trust and our faith in the gospel, it will never fail, because it never ends. Everything else has some point at which it ceases, but the gospel goes on forever, and so does everything it offers. Think about it: eternal life, eternal families, eternal love, eternal happiness.
I was reading my scriptures the other night. I had asked Kody where I could read about what happened in the pre-existance, because in primary, we've been learning about it (on a little kid level, mind you) and I had a strong desire to learn more, and he told me to read Moses and Abraham, so I am. I came across Moses 1:3-4... "And God spake unto Moses, saying: Behold, I am the Lord God Almighty, and Endless is my name; for I am without beginning of days or end of years; and is not this endless? And, behold, thou art my son; wherefore look, and I will show thee the workmanship of mine hands; but not all, for my works are without end, and also my words, for they never cease."
When I read that, it really got me thinking about what it really meant. It really built my testimony up a little bit higher. There is no end.
I was in institute yesterday, and my teacher invites whoever wants to go up, to go up and bear their testimony at the beginning of class. I had a feeling that I was supposed to go up, and bear my testimony about what I just wrote, but I couldn't find that scripture on Moses, to back me up, so I didn't go up. That day, no one got up to bear their testimony. I felt like I missed out on that opportunity, and that's why I'm writing it down here, so whoever reads this might learn something from it.

There's a fridge on our garage. It consists strictly of the following: a case of kroger water bottles, a plate of cookies, a plate of butter, an uneaten cake that has been sitting there for months. I find this hilarious. Of all the things to be in that fridge...

Tonight has been eventful. I think I'm gonna go to bed, though. Goodnight.

summer.

A few days ago I was driving down the road. When I drive, I love to look out at all the beautiful scenery Heavenly Father has blessed us with. I love the trees, the roads, the sky. I absolutely love it when I'm driving, and the sun is right in front of me, and it shines right in my eyes. It makes me happy, and it's one of the little things that I can't get enough of.

Thinking about this led me to thinking about the summer, and realizing how much I missed it. I miss wearing knee length shorts, with my wavy hair hanging down while the warm breeze blows through it, letting it dance. I miss having a reason to shave my legs, because, let's be honest here, in the winter, I only shave my legs once a week, for church, because I wear pants the rest of the week. I miss driving down the long, gray road with a couple of my closest friends, the windows rolled down, sunglasses on, with Sherwood playing on the radio. I came to the conclusion a few days ago that the band Sherwood reminds me of summer, and is, in my opinion, one of the best bands to listen to during summer. They just fit, making everything right.

I absolutely love the blue skies, with the whitest clouds, and the bright, warm sun shining down while you play. I love the sight of kids riding their bikes, and running around, while their parents garden or wash their cars. I love it when people are outside, always running around. I love picnics, and rolling down big hills, and water fights. I love following trails in parks, and looking at the brightly colored flowers, and flowing streams. One of my favorite parks is the Murray Park, because of this exact reason. It's gorgeous, especially in the summer time.

I also love summer nights, when it's warm enough to keep your shorts on, but cool enough that maybe you need a light jacket. I love sitting in the porch with a blanket while a thunder storm is booming outside. I love sitting there in the silence, with occasional thunder sounding in the sky, just thinking to yourself about anything that might be on your mind. I love thunder storms.

I don't think summer could come any slower, and I can't wait until it does, so I can relive all these summer memories that have been stored deep inside my mind, waiting to come out. I'm excited...

words make paragraphs.

As I sit here in my semi-messy bedroom, staring at the blank screen of my laptop that is urging me to write something, I can't help but think about the thoughts and feelings I had just two nights ago. They were inspiring. They made me want to change a few little things about myself. Nothing big. I just want to be better.

If we rewound my life to exactly two nights ago, it would be Monday, February 2nd, and that's when it all started. I sat on top of my bed, my white comforter surrounding me in thought. The night was quiet. I was the only one home. My mind was open and clear, ready to learn something new. I came across the writings of a person I briefly knew. As I read the words that came so freely from her continuously thinking head, I was lead to read more and more. Her words were so neatly placed, and they seemed to jump off the screen and into my brain. I could feel what she was trying to convey.

When I finished reading her well thought out words and paragraphs, I was inspired. I thought to myself, I need to learn how to write like that. Something that will stand out to people. Something that people can feel. And the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that I could definitely do it, if I gave it a good shot. The things I am learning in my English class tie in with this idea of mine so well. I want to write better, and I'm taking a writing class. How convenient. So, I decided to give it a shot.

And so, here I am, sitting in the exact same place as I was sitting two nights ago, thoughts rushing into my head as I write them down. What brings me here? You could say it's the fact that I wanted to see if I could do it, and tonight felt like a good time to start, or, you could say that I am completely bored, with nothing to do - not even homework - so I decided to string a few pointless words together to make something that people will read, and, hopefully, relate to.

Perhaps you could say that I follow my dreams, no matter how big or small. If I want something, I go for it. I have come to the conclusion that that is a true statement about me. My mom always said she knew I was "feisty" from the moment I was born. I guess what she meant by that was that I was a fighter, and I don't give up on what I want. When I was born, I had a deadly infection. I fought it for a month or two, and I (obviously) ended up living. My mom soon found out that I was only the second baby in Utah that suffered from the infection, that didn't have to have it cut out. Maybe it had a little bit to do with me fighting for it, but I think the biggest reason I am alive today is because of priesthood blessings.

As I come to the close of trying desperately to write something more than your everyday topics, I want to leave with something I laugh at, even today. When I was younger, my friend, Emily, and I used to send made up stories to each other via email, and as I look back on them today, I find them absolutely ridiculous, but to tell you the truth, there have been times when I've almost peed my pants from laughing so hard at them. I wrote this one. It's called "Emily's Genie." I didn't alter it an anyway. This is exactly the way I wrote it. I liked a boy named Austen at the time, and his name appears in here a few times. [written january 30, 2005]

One lovely day, best friends, Emily and Megan, went on a walk together, holding hands and skipping down the road. Then all of the sudden, Megan saw a ditch heading Emily's way. Megan, being Emily's best friend, thought of an idea quick! When Emily was by the ditch, Megan pushed her in and laughed at her. Emily got really angry and started steaming from the ears. Suddenly the sky started to get black and thunder started to bolt down. Megan got scared. A geenie appeared out of a cloud. "MEGAN!", it said, "I AM EMILY'S GUARDIAN GEENIE". Megan was confused. "How could anyone love Emily so much to be her gaurdian geenie?". Emily got more angry and started to climb out of the ditch, but she couldn't bacause she wasn't that fit. "THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT", the geenie said, "MY NAME IS JARVIS". Megan laughed. "IT'S NOT FUNNY!", said Jarvis. "NOW EMILY, YOU MUST CHOOSE HOW YOUR FRIEND SHOULD PAY". Emily thought. She thought some more. After 3 3/7 hours, Emily shouted "I've got it!". Jarvis and Megan were asleep. "I'VE GOT IT!!!!", Emily screamed. Megan and Jarvis woke up from Emily's ugly screaming. "WHAT HAVE YOU CHOSEN FOR MEGAN?", said Jarvis. "Well, since I love Megan so much, I am going to give her a fair young man to marry and send my best wishes to them", Emily said. "YOUR WISH IS GRANTED", said Jarvis. Megan was so happy that she ran up to Emily and gave her a big hug and kiss. (on the cheek, of course) They looked up the road and saw Austen walking toward them. Megan got excited. "I had a feeling to walk down this road at this very moment", said Austen. Megan ran up to Austen and hugged and kissed him. Austen proposed to Megan, and they got married in the Salt Lake Temple. Megan was so grateful to Emily, that she made Pop Diva Emily sing at her wedding reception. She sang all the love songs like "Only One" and "True" and "Beautiful Soul". Pop Diva Emily sang really loud and she kinda sucked, which ruined Megan and Austen's wedding, but they didn't care cuz Emily is never going to learn how to sing, and plus, Emily wished that they could get married. So without Emily, they would have never gotten married. Austen and Megan Whitaker lived happily ever after, and Pop Diva Emily met Megan's brother-in-law's brother, Brian (Jared's bro, which is a HOTTIE) and he proposed to Emily at Austen and Megan's wedding and they lived happily ever after. But Megan and Austen were a MUCH cuter couple than Emily and Brian. The End

i'm growing up.

As I look back on my life in the past few years, I realized that I wasn't exactly a Molly Mormon. But then again, I wasn't really a bad person. I went to church and said my prayers. I guess I just wasn't really serious about the church yet. I had a testimony, but it was very small. A few basic things I believed in kept me holding on to the rod, and looking where I'm at right now, I guess those few basic things were enough to get me through those tough teenaged years. Yes, I know I'm still a teenager, and I'll still be one for a little over a year, but I really feel like I'm growing up.

When I was younger, (13-14 ish) I grew up with a gorgeous older sister who got all the guys she wanted. She dated like crazy! I remember looking at the calender that hung in her bedroom, seeing the names of guys on Fridays and Saturdays that she would be going out with. I wanted to be just like her. She didn't dress modestly, though. But with my little teenaged thinking, I thought "Hey! She gets guys. Dressing immodestly must do the trick!" And it did. I thought I was so hot when my stomach showed because my shirt was hiked up. It got the guys attention, too! But there was one little problem. My mom didn't like the idea. One day, she had had enough of my stomach and back always showing, and she threatened to give all of my shirts to the DI. She went as far as going through my closet, putting all my shirts in bags and putting them in the trunk of her car. I was so scared! We ending up making a deal. I could keep my shirts if I wore a long undershirt underneath them everyday. If I didn't, my mom would cut the shirt off of me. And she did a few times, too. She would always say "The kind of guys you want to attract don't like it when you dress immodestly." and I'd grunt back "Just keep talking, old lady. You have no idea what you're saying."
While it was happening, I was so mad at her. I couldn't believe that she would make such a big deal of something so incredibly small. But looking back at it today, I am oh so glad that she did it. I've realized that the only guys who would think that dressing immodestly is attractive were the guys I absolutely do NOT want to date or marry. I've realized that, by dressing modestly, I show guys that see me that I respect my body, and that I am preparing myself to wear garments, because I want a temple marriage. I am so grateful to my mom for teaching me that.

Recently I've had many testimony strengthening experiences. One specific one taught me that my standards that I have promised not only to myself to keep, but also to Heavenly Father, are very important. In the course of about two weeks, I was tempted and pushed constantly to lower these exact standards that I held so close to my heart. Believe it or not, I was tempted so much that I was actually considering lowering them, just so I wouldn't be bothered by it. The single thread keeping me from not doing it was that one promise I made, and I felt like it was ready to break. There was a boy involved. He was trying his hardest to get me to do something I really didn't want to do. One night, I told Heavenly Father exactly what I wanted. I told him I wanted to keep my standards. I told him who I wanted to marry, and where I wanted to marry. I made it very clear. After that night of literally pleading with Heavenly Father to help me stay strong, and to help me keep my standards, I woke up refreshed, with enough courage and strength to tell the guy "No, I'm not going to lower my standards for you." He was beyond mad. He called me names, he swore, he told me never to talk to him again. Because I kind of liked this guy, I thought I would be bummed that he was acting like this and saying all this stuff to me. But surprisingly, I didn't. At all. I felt on top of the world! I was smiling, and all the confusion and lonliness I was feeling just the day before completely left me!

So here comes my testimony. I know that if you stand still and plant your feet in what you've been taught all your life, and what you believe in, and promise yourself that you will, you can. I know everything happens for a reason, and you learn SO MUCH from all the trials you overcome. An old seminary teacher of mine once said "Don't be afraid when you're tempted to do something bad. It's just an opportunity to show the Lord that you're on his side." I can't believe that the Lord has blessed me with such amazing people in my life, to keep me on track and to teach me things I would never learn from anyone else. I know that if you listen to the spirit, he will never ever let you down. I know that!

1 Corinthians 10:13

my music.

Over the years, the music I listen to has changed a lot. My first CD was N*SYNC - No Strings Attached. I listened to them a lot. Then I started getting really (and I mean really) into Jericho Road, an LDS pop boy band. I was in love with them, and I listened to them for years, and still listen to them today. It was an odd switch, but after my Jericho Road obsession wore off, I started listening to "I hate my life" bands. Namely, Simple Plan and anything that screamed. That was when I was an early teenager, and I had a depression problem. Luckily, I grew out of that a few years later, and started listening to alternative rock. A while later, this present day, I am still into alternative, but I really love acoustic. My favorite artist of all time is Allred, who is an acoustic artist. I find it funny how I went from church music, to screamo, to slow, mellow stuff.

So here's a list of all the music I have on my ipod. This will be fun to look back on in a few years and see how much my taste in music has changed.

• Acceptance
• Alert the Press
• Alkaline Trio
• The All-American Rejects
• All Time Low
• Allred
• The Almost
• Alone and Legendary
• Amber Pacific
• Analee's Dream
• Anberlin
• Angels & Airwaves
• April Meservy
• The Aquabats
• Artist Vs. Poet
• The Ataris
• Augustana
• B0unc3
• Backseat Goodbye
• Band of Horses
• The Beach Boys
• The Beatles
• Ben's Brother
• Ben Folds
• Ben Jelen
• Ben Truman
• Between the Trees
• Bowling for Soup
• Boys Like Girls
• The Bravery
• Breaking Point
• Brian Rhodes
• Brighten
• Buddy Holly
• Carly Simon
• Cartel
• Chad Neth
• Chiodos
• Chris Brown
• Circa Survive
• The Click Five
• Coldplay
• Cute Is What We Aim For
• Dan Cahoon
• Daniel Beck
• Dashboard Confessional
• Daughtry
• David Archuleta
• David Osmond
• A Day To Remember
• Deathcab For Cutie
• Dr. Evil & Mini Me
• Dream Balloons
• Driving East
• Dropout Year
• The Early November
• Emery
• Enrique Iglesias
• Europe
• Eve 6
• Everclear
• Every Avenue
• The Excitement
• Fall Out Boy
• Farewell
• Felicia Wolfe
• Flyleaf
• FM Static
• Fourty Foot Echo
• Fourteen Days From Forever
• Franz Ferdinand
• The Fray
• Freddie Ashby
• Goo Goo Dolls
• Good Charlotte
• Graham Colton
• Green Day
• Greg Simpson
• Hawk Nelson
• Hawthorne Heights
• Hellogoodbye
• Hidden in Plain View
• Hilary Weeks
• Hinder
• Hollywood Lies
• Honor Bright
• The Hoosiers
• Incubus
• Ingrid Michaelson
• Ivoryline
• James Belliston
• James Blunt
• Jason Mraz
• Jenny Frogley
• Jenny Phillips
• Jericho Road
• Jessie Clark Funk
• Jet Lag Gemini
• Jimmy Eat World
• The Jonas Brothers
• Josh Wilsher
• Josiah Leming
• Just Surrender
• The JV All*Star
• Karrigan
• Keane
• The Killers
• Kimya Dawson
• Kirby Heyborne
• Kurt Bestor
• The Last Goodnight
• Last Winter
• Leona Lewis
• The Less
• Less Than Three
• Lifehouse
• Lights
• Linkin Park
• LMNT
• Lostprophets
• Love You Long Time
• Mae
• The Maine
• Maren Ord
• Maroon 5
• Matchbook Romance
• Matt Nathanson
• Mayday Parade
• McFly
• Meg & Dia
• Megan Flinders
• Metro Station
• Michael McLean
• Mika
• Mindy Gledhill
• Minimum Serious
• The Moldy Peaches
• The Monkies
• The Morning Light
• Motion City Soundtrack
• Muse
• Number One Gun
• OAR
• OK Go
• OneRepublic
• Our Lady Peace
• Papa Roach
• Paramore
• Phone Calls From Home
• Plain White T's
• Queen
• Quietdirve
• Rachel Thibodeau
• Ray Carter
• The Real You
• Red Hot Chili Peppers
• Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
• Regina Spektor
• Relient K
• Ricky Martin
• Rise Against
• The Rise of Science
• Rock Kills Kid
• Rufio
• Ryan Cabrera
• Ryan Shupe & The Rubber Bands
• Saliva
• Sanctus Real
• Saosin
• Say Anything
• The Scene Aesthetic
• Sea Wolf
• Secondhand Serenade
• The Secret Handshake
• Seether
• Senses Fail
• Shane
• Sherwood
• Shooter
• Seilverstein
• Simon & Garfunkel
• Sittser
• Smashing Pumpkins
• Smile Empty Soul
• Snow Patrol
• Sons of Provo
• Sparta
• The Spice Girls
• Spill Canvas
• The Starting Line
• Story of the Year
• Straylight Run
• The String Quartet
• Striving for Better
• Sugarcult
• Sum 41
• The Summer Set
• The Sunstreak
• SweetHaven
• Switchfoot
• Taking Back Sunday
• Teddy Geiger
• Terry White
• Third Eye Blind
• Three Doors Down
• Tim Gates
• Time and Difference
• Trapt
• Twisted Sisters
• The Used
• Used Kids
• Valencia
• Vega4
• Vertical Horizon
• We Are Scientists
• We Shot the Moon
• We the Kings
• Weezer
• Wild Cherry
• Yellowcard