a typical thursday night conversation.

WARNING: Some material may be considered graphic and inappropriate for young (or normal) readers.

(Rachel is on the toilet in her bathroom, and I am in my room on my bed)
Rachel: "Megan! Can you get me some toilet paper??"
Megan: "Why? You're so needy."
Rachel: "Dude, I just had pure liquid come out of my butt. No chunks or anything!"
Megan: "I love that!"
Rachel: "Just go get me some toilet paper, and plug your nose when you come in."
(Megan goes and gets two rolls of toilet paper, plugs her nose, and puts them by Rachel's bathroom door)
*2 minutes later*
(Rachel sticks her head in Megan's room and points at her)
Rachel: "Thanks."
*3 minutes later*
(Rachel is running from the living room to her bathroom, probably holding her butt)
Rachel: "OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!"

Wanna come over and join in on our fun?


texts from my lover.

I believe I've mentioned this before, but every Monday morning, while August emails his family, he sends emails to my phone number, which I receive as text messages. We text back and forth for an hour. About 80% of all the texts I get from him are really cute and sweet, but if I get one that is above average, I will save it in my phone. For fear of breaking my phone and losing all of them (and because I think they're just way freaking cute--and sometimes way funny), I will share with you all the ones I have locked in my phone.

12/21/09: "Megan, you're cute."
(This was the 2nd week he texted me, before I knew he loved me.)

1/4/10: "I love Heavenly Father so much too. He is amazing. I love you second most. :)"

3/29/10: " 'Put your little hand in mine. I've got yours and baby, you've got mine! Babe. I got you babe.' "
(Often, August will tell me about a song that reminds him of me. Then he'll quote the lyrics.)

7/5/10: "I love you Megan Marie. You're perfect for me. Outie bellybuttons are hot. :)"

7/19/10: "Bye bye Love. You're my favorite flower. :)"
(At the beginning of this conversation, I sent him a picture of some flowers, asking, "Are these your favorite flowers?")

7/26/10: "Dang, you're smokin' hot!!! RAWR! :)"
(He sent this right after I sent him a picture of me when I just woke up, haha.)

7/26/10: "I love you bunches, baby. Have a great week, and keep looking hot. :) You're the best. XOxo"

Shout out to my boyfriend! He's cute, eh? I like him.


brooke's diaper.

Just a quick post about the most exciting part of my day yesterday...

My mom usually tends my one-year-old niece, Brooke, a few days a week while her mom works. Well, my mom was tending her yesterday, but had to leave somewhere, so she asked Rachel to tend Brooke until she got back. Rachel agreed, and my mom left.

When Brooke woke up from her nap, her diaper was just about to burst from all the poop that was inside, and she stunk a most terrible stank. Rachel asked me to change her diaper, because I "knew how to change a diaper," but I refused, telling her that she needs to learn how to so she can do it when she has kids. We argued about it for probably 20 minutes. Rachel was practically begging me to do it. "Megan, PLEASE change her diaper. I don't know how to. Are you going to make Brooke suffer?!" "Rach! How are you ever going to learn if you don't do it?" "Megan, I CAN'T. I just.... I just can't."

After arguing, I finally just gave in, but I told Rachel that she had to take off Brooke's pants (because they had poo juice all over them) and take her diaper out to the garbage when I was finished. Rachel nervously attempted to take off Brooke's pants, but ran out of the room, yelling, "I can't do this!" I laughed, and took off Brooke's pants. When I opened her diaper, I almost gagged. Rachel actually did gag, and went into the bathroom and threw up. Yes, it was that bad.

I started wiping the poop from off of Brooke's privates when all of the sudden she peed a huge puddle of pee on the changing pad. As she laid there in her pee and poo particles, crying and getting bodily waste all over the bottom half of her body, I stood up and yelled, "Rach! I can't do this. I'm leaving. Come finish this." I walked away, and Rachel came out. We just stood there, not knowing what in the heck to do. Thankfully, my mom pulled up right then and took care of everything we left. It was the most disgusting diaper change I've ever experienced. And the most dramatic, too.

(Brooke, 9 months old)


thursday night activities.

Last night, I went to a party that some of my co-workers were having with Erica. A lot of people showed up, and I didn't know half of them. The other half were people I work with. When Erica and I got there, they were all playing Capture the Flag, so Erica and I joined in. We mostly just stood around, not really wanting to play because we didn't feel like it.

While at the party, Erica and I realized that Sean was there. Sean was in love with Sandy for a while, but now he hates her, and even blocked her on Facebook. Every time Erica and I saw him, we just laughed. We also laughed every time we saw this tool with really (and I mean really) short shorts.
A few games in, Erica and I decided to casually walk over to the other team's side, so we did. No one noticed until Matt, the guy on the other team who was guarding the flag, saw us walking up the hill toward him. "No! You guys stay there," he told us. But we kept walking, telling him that we weren't going to run if he tagged us. Just then, Carl came up behind us and tagged us both. "We told you!" Then we sat at the top of the hill and talked to Matt about lots of things, including one of the foster kids I take care of, and how hilarious he is.
Eventually, someone from our team came up behind Matt and stole our flag, so Matt left. Erica and I decided to go down to the jail where we should've been anyway. When we got there, we saw fireworks (because it was dark by this time), and sung "Fireworks in the sky!" A few minutes later, the tool with short shorts got put in jail, and I took a picture of him and Erica. Then I realized that my flash was bright, and so I used it as an emergency flare to get my team to come rescue us. As I used my flash, Erica yelled out, "S.O.S.!" When one of our team members finally came to rescue us, we stayed in jail because we didn't really want to play.

(Erica and the tool in jail)

Then we realized some guy, who turned out to be Danny (aka: Stripes) looking for some keys in the grass with his cell phone light. We went over there and I offered to help him look, because my flash was super bright. He accepted my help, and I said, "Okay, I'll flash; you look." He probably thought I was a pervert, because he made a funny comment about what I had just said. The game ended, and another one started. Erica and I went over to where our team was guarding the flag (also where Sean was), and talked and sang. Two of the girls who were guarding the flag asked us if we would guard it, because they wanted to play the game. We agreed, and Erica said, "Don't worry! You can trust us!" Then we moved the flag into the middle of the trail in the park. A little while later, some random kid who was strolling through the park walked past us, and we said hi to him. Then I told him to take our flag, and run to the other side with it, because it would be funny. He did, but he walked instead of ran. The Latino girl who had been guarding the flag before us took the flag from him, and came up to us and said in a pissed off voice, "Okay girls, guard the flag means guard the flag." Erica and I laughed at that

(Me and Nathan, the random guy who stole our flag)

(Me and Erica guarding our flag with all our might!)

Right when the game ended, we went over to where a few people in our group were sitting by a fire, because we wanted s'mores! When we got there, we roasted marshmallows in the huge fire place, talked and laughed, and listened to Benny and others play music. Benny found a huge bush, and put it in the fire, making it quite tall, because you could see the flames out of the top of the fire place. I told my co-workers about how one of my foster kids hit on me a week or two ago, and we all laughed and shared other stories.
(The HUGE fire)

Then this guy named Jase started talking to me and Erica, but mostly Erica. By the end of the night, he had asked for our numbers. Before we left, I gave everyone a hug. It was such a fun night. I love the people I work with.

(Allie, Jenny, me, Erica and Sarah)


betcha didn't know...

...these 25 things about me!

1. My eyes change from blue to green and everything in between.
2. I am 20 years old and sleep with a night light, because I am terrified of the dark.
3. I usually tell people what my "favorite band" or "favorite color" is, but the truth is that I don't have any favorites, because I like too many things. My favorites change on a daily basis.
4. I've never dyed my hair.
5. I don't wear mascara.
6. About 95% of the time, I only shave my legs up to my knees.
7. I peed my pants in Kindergarten.
8. I have double-jointed knees.
9. I looked just like my dad when he was around 13 years old.
10. I've had braces twice, for about 4 years total.
11. I am almost always tired (which I hate, hate, HATE).
12. I've never broken a bone.
13. I've tried escargot, and liked it.
14. I've known my best friend, Emily, since Kindergarten (when I peed my pants).
15. I have a really loud laugh, kind of like a hyena.
16. My family (myself included) thinks that any kind of potty talk, to any extent, is down right hilarious.
17. I am not really a daddy's girl or a mama's girl. But I am closer with my mom than my dad.
18. When people ride my butt on the road, I slow waaay down, even if I'm on a freeway.
19. I think tans (fake and real) are gross, and have no problem with being white.
20. I have an inch-long scar on my forehead that no one ever notices, even before I had bangs.
21. I am passive-agressive, which basically means that I like to get revenge instead of talking things out.
22. In a two-year period from 2006-2008, I went through 4 cars.
23. My first real job was at Taco Time.
24. I met my boyfriend in an art class when we were both 13, and we wrote love notes back and forth the day we met.
25. I like cats more than dogs.


draper days.

On Saturday night, my family left me home alone, and I was bored. Thankfully, Kim called me and asked me if I wanted to do something. We decided to go to the little Chinese diner Sara works at, and wait for her to get off so we could get the night started.
When I arrived, Kim had finished her dinner, and we sat at the little table, talking to Sara, who stood behind the counter, until she got off. Meanwhile, I met Sara's co-worker, Chuck, who apparently hated everyone named Megan, because his girlfriend, Megan, had just broken up with him. After a few minutes, I realized why she did. Chuck was a TOOL! He was full of himself, and kind of rude. But it's okay, because we left a while later.
When Sara got off, we decided to go to Draper Days. When we got there, it was PACKED. I don't think I've seen so many people, except for maybe at Warped Tour. We had to park in a neighborhood and walk a few blocks to the park.
When we finally got there, we looked at a lot of booths. There were a ton of them, and we didn't even visit half of them. Then we decided to go sit down and watch people, because people do really funny things when they think they're not being watched. So we did just that, and we laughed really hard everytime we saw someone walking funny, or touching their wife's butt, or tripping over themselves. It was awesome. People watching is one of my favorite activities. Then Kim bought a little frog for her aquarium.
We were going to stay for the fireworks, but they were taking too long to go off, so we decided to walk back to the car and go somewhere else. As we were walking in the dark, we passed a car among a lot of other cars. I thought I saw something inside, so I looked closer. Then I yelled, "HOLY CRAP!" and pointed at the car. Inside was a guy with a hockey mask on, just staring at us. Kim screamed, and we all just stood there for about 5 seconds, not knowing whether to run or keep walking. Then all of a sudden we all just booked it the way we came. When we stopped and regained our cool, we walked back, and the guy was gone. It gave me the willies. As we kept walking, we noticed that the lawns in this particular neighborhood were very lush and nice, so we laid down on one! It was the best grass I've ever rested my head upon.
We ended the night by going to Harmon's and considering to have a dance party in the parking lot, but a certain someone (Saraaaaaaa) "wasn't in the mood." So instead, we went into Harmon's and bought drinks. Then we went home. The end.



I am claustrophobic.
Today, I went to Plato's Closet with Erica and her two sisters, because they had an amazing deal going on: fit as many clearance items as you can into a plastic shopping bag, and get the whole thing for only $10. It was sweet! We got there just a few minutes before ten, not even realizing that there would be a huge, long line leading from the front doors. By the time we entered the store, it was already PACKED (literally). I felt like I did when I went to Warped Tour back in '08, when we were in the very middle of the huge, sweaty crowd of moshing people. It was awesome. I grabbed anything and everything I could that looked slightly cute, reaching over peoples' heads, sometimes even [accidentally] slapping them in the face. While going through the aisles of clothes, you would have to stand there for minutes at a time, because no one was moving. Then, when someone was passing through, you would have to cram yourself in between the racks of clothes to make room. At one point, Erica and I smelled pee. Kirsti decided that someone had peed to get everyone away from the clothes. We waited in line for probably twenty minutes. I was so relieved when I finally walked out of that store with all my clothes. But I've gotta admit, it was totally worth it.
Last night, dad took me and mom to Tucano's for dinner down in Provo. It was delightful. After that, he took us down to a city just south of Nephi, because he had to do something for his work there. It smelt like diarrhea, times 100. That was when mom told me what they did in the building: after butchers were done with animals' carcases, they would give the leftover meat, heads, bones, and diseased body parts to the people who worked here, and they would grind them up, cook them, and sell them to farmers to feed to their pigs and cows and other disgusting animals. Oh. Now I know why it smelt like death. It was nasty. We didn't get home until about 1'o'clock in the morning, so, even though I curled my hair and did my make up today, I'm going to take a nap.


memories: telifone pole phone calls.

Back in High School, I was the drummer in an all-girl band called TeliFone Pole. Emily was the guitarist and Erica played the bass. We only played a handful of actual live shows, but what made us better to perform at those shows was when we called people up on the phone and played a song or two for them, whether they liked it or not.
I had written a song for a boy named Tom, basically apologizing to him for something I didn't do. It was probably the worst song I've ever written in my life. But once we got all the parts down, we called Tom up and played him the song over the phone. Back then, I didn't feel weird about it, but now, looking back, I am so embarrassed for my High School self. The people we called had to have thought we were so dumb. But everytime I think about it, it makes me laugh.


memories: stake dances.

Lately I've been remembering a lot of funny things I've done with friends in the past, and I don't want to forget them, so I decided that it would be a good idea to post them all in a week (or maybe a few weeks, because there are a lot) so I can laugh at them later. So here goes!

When I was in Junior High and High School, my best friends, Emily and Erica, and I would always look forward to the monthly stake dances. Our tradition was to dress up crazy and to wear bright, neon colors (which I now am a little embarrassed about) and attend these dances every month.

The earliest memory I have at a stake dance was one night when I was about 14 years old. Earlier that day, I had modelled for Modest by Design, a company that makes modest prom dresses. My hair and make up were fixed up and fancy, and I had on a black shirt and skirt. Suddenly, the DJ announced that there would be a "Shoe Dance," and he told all the girls to put one of their shoes in the middle so a boy could pick one, and the two of them could dance. I put my shoe in, and the most gorgeous boy picked my shoe. I couldn't have been more thrilled. I went up to him, and he gave me my shoe back and walked away. As I stood there, not knowing what to do next, Emily told me to put my shoe back into the middle, and so I did. I waited and waited, but no one was picking my shoe. A few minutes later, a boy picked up my shoe. He held it up, and I walked over to him to get it. Instead of handing it to me like all the other boys did, he knelt down, and put my shoe on for me. Everyone clapped for us. Then we danced. When the dance ended and as people were walking out, I heard a few people call it the "Cinderella Dance."

Another memory I have is when Emily, Erica, Rachel and I snuck into the boys' bathroom to get a picture by the urinal. My boyfriend-at-the-time, Erik, was with us, and we told him to stand guard, and tell us if anyone was coming. We all ran in and took a few pictures, and were laughing the whole time. When we were finishing up, a man who was chaperoning the dance walked in and saw us, and got mad. We awkwardly walked out of the bathroom, and got mad at Erik for not telling us someone was coming. We eventually made "Boys Bathroom Madness" a tradition for every stake dance we attend.

One night at a stake dance held outside under the church pavillion, Emily, Erica and I were sitting in Emily's car, trying to think of something else to do, because the dance was super lame. Out of nowhere, two of the chaperones from the dance came up to Emily's car, rested their arms on the door, and told us that we needed to be in the dance, because we couldn't stay in our car and hang out in the parking lot. We politely said okay, and then drove off. On our way out of the parking lot, Erica shouted out the window, "Vote for me!"

Another time, after going to a stake dance, we decided to call up Birdsley and Peter and hang out at the local Smith's with them. At that time, I was texting a boy named Dakota, but we called him DK for some reason. I hadn't before met Dakota, and for some reason, he wanted to meet me that night, so I told him to come to the Smith's we were hanging out at, and he agreed to meet me there. As he was on his way, someone had the idea of making Erica pretend to be me when he came. She agreed, and a few minutes later, he arrived. Erica said hi, and started talking to him while I sat in a chair facing away from them, laughing my head off with Emily, Birdsley and Peter. Erica just went along with what DK was saying, because he was talking about what he and I had talked about, and Erica was clueless. What's even more funny is the fact that DK had seen pictures of me, and Erica and I don't look alike at all. But he bought it. When he left, I texted him and told him it wasn't me he talked to. He got all mad, and swore. I haven't heard from him since. After he left, Birdsley randomly pulled out a phone that was missing the screen, and started to "talk to God." He could carry on a long and deep conversation, too.

My last memory of stake dances was when Erica and I decided to follow this one guy around everywhere he went, just for the heck of it. Everytime he would turn around to look at us, we'd pretend to do something else, like dance or talk. We kept it up for probably ten minutes, and eventually started to play "Rock, Paper, Scissors" everytime he would turn around. Eventually, when it was more than obvious that we were following him, he said, "Will you guys please stop following me?" We just walked away.

Stay tuned for more funny stories about my past. I've got a ton more to share. :)


my mom raps?

Today was a good day.

At work, I split up two teenaged boys fighting. I work with troubled foster kids, and this happens more than you would think. After work, I went to Emily's house and made fruit pizza with her. I have decided that is my absolute favorite dessert. But what really topped my wonderful day off was something that my mom said.

Dad, Mom, Sara and I were at the drive-thru at Iceberg, getting shakes, and Sara leaned over and whispered to me, "Hey, I'm gonna start beat boxing, and you rap, okay?" I excitedly agreed, and so we started. We both sucked. That's that.

Then Mom chimed in, with a head bob and a hand wave, and said, "Slow down the beat a little bit and let me give it a try!" Sara and I bursted out laughing for probably a minute or two. It was the funniest thing I've ever heard come out of my mom's mouth. The best part, though, is that she wasn't even trying to be funny--she was dead serious. Ahh, my mom.

She's going in for surgery on her sinuses tomorrow. She'll (hopefully) be loopy from the drugs, to provide us with even more laughter. I certainly do love that woman.