i'm growing up.

As I look back on my life in the past few years, I realized that I wasn't exactly a Molly Mormon. But then again, I wasn't really a bad person. I went to church and said my prayers. I guess I just wasn't really serious about the church yet. I had a testimony, but it was very small. A few basic things I believed in kept me holding on to the rod, and looking where I'm at right now, I guess those few basic things were enough to get me through those tough teenaged years. Yes, I know I'm still a teenager, and I'll still be one for a little over a year, but I really feel like I'm growing up.

When I was younger, (13-14 ish) I grew up with a gorgeous older sister who got all the guys she wanted. She dated like crazy! I remember looking at the calender that hung in her bedroom, seeing the names of guys on Fridays and Saturdays that she would be going out with. I wanted to be just like her. She didn't dress modestly, though. But with my little teenaged thinking, I thought "Hey! She gets guys. Dressing immodestly must do the trick!" And it did. I thought I was so hot when my stomach showed because my shirt was hiked up. It got the guys attention, too! But there was one little problem. My mom didn't like the idea. One day, she had had enough of my stomach and back always showing, and she threatened to give all of my shirts to the DI. She went as far as going through my closet, putting all my shirts in bags and putting them in the trunk of her car. I was so scared! We ending up making a deal. I could keep my shirts if I wore a long undershirt underneath them everyday. If I didn't, my mom would cut the shirt off of me. And she did a few times, too. She would always say "The kind of guys you want to attract don't like it when you dress immodestly." and I'd grunt back "Just keep talking, old lady. You have no idea what you're saying."
While it was happening, I was so mad at her. I couldn't believe that she would make such a big deal of something so incredibly small. But looking back at it today, I am oh so glad that she did it. I've realized that the only guys who would think that dressing immodestly is attractive were the guys I absolutely do NOT want to date or marry. I've realized that, by dressing modestly, I show guys that see me that I respect my body, and that I am preparing myself to wear garments, because I want a temple marriage. I am so grateful to my mom for teaching me that.

Recently I've had many testimony strengthening experiences. One specific one taught me that my standards that I have promised not only to myself to keep, but also to Heavenly Father, are very important. In the course of about two weeks, I was tempted and pushed constantly to lower these exact standards that I held so close to my heart. Believe it or not, I was tempted so much that I was actually considering lowering them, just so I wouldn't be bothered by it. The single thread keeping me from not doing it was that one promise I made, and I felt like it was ready to break. There was a boy involved. He was trying his hardest to get me to do something I really didn't want to do. One night, I told Heavenly Father exactly what I wanted. I told him I wanted to keep my standards. I told him who I wanted to marry, and where I wanted to marry. I made it very clear. After that night of literally pleading with Heavenly Father to help me stay strong, and to help me keep my standards, I woke up refreshed, with enough courage and strength to tell the guy "No, I'm not going to lower my standards for you." He was beyond mad. He called me names, he swore, he told me never to talk to him again. Because I kind of liked this guy, I thought I would be bummed that he was acting like this and saying all this stuff to me. But surprisingly, I didn't. At all. I felt on top of the world! I was smiling, and all the confusion and lonliness I was feeling just the day before completely left me!

So here comes my testimony. I know that if you stand still and plant your feet in what you've been taught all your life, and what you believe in, and promise yourself that you will, you can. I know everything happens for a reason, and you learn SO MUCH from all the trials you overcome. An old seminary teacher of mine once said "Don't be afraid when you're tempted to do something bad. It's just an opportunity to show the Lord that you're on his side." I can't believe that the Lord has blessed me with such amazing people in my life, to keep me on track and to teach me things I would never learn from anyone else. I know that if you listen to the spirit, he will never ever let you down. I know that!

1 Corinthians 10:13